So I've finished my time in Scenic and I'm now about to move into costume. I had mixed feelings about scenic. Having spent time I feel has given me things, particulary talking with Gary was particulary valuable. The work I did in scenic didn't really imrpove my understanding of the work that scenic does or help me with design but I felt talking to Gary did and it's good to have someone there with that amount of knowledge that you can go to for advice. I think thats the thing that'll I'll take away from scenic, the need to find out about how things are done and what is possible. Workwise again I felt very unsuited to the job and found the days really slow. The job that the scenic guys do takes alot of dedication but I think they must get a satisfaction from their work that I wasn't getting. I think it comes down to my personality once again. I can sit and do a life drawing or a picture of a stupid plant or something and I could spend ages and do it nice but I wouldn't have any sense of satisfaction when I'm finished. I don't know why that is. Art was supposed to be my best subject at school but I found it slow, however, when drawing things that are for a design created in my head or something I'm thinking up I find it theraputic, exciting and I get a real sense of satisifaction at the end of it. So in scenic when I was making a linoleum effect using paints I found learning about the process and how to do it interesting but at the same time I don't think I would be happy to do things like that full time either.

I'm moving into costume this Monday. Quite aprehensive if I'm honest. All I've heard from the others who've already been in that department is good things however I've got a feeling I'm going to need valium by the bucket load to stop me getting stressed at my lack of ability with sewing etc. I dunno why I get so stressed and irritated by daft things. I'm chilled most of the time but stuff just winds me up so quickly. It's not good but I think it may be inherited. I'm going to have to just try and chill and not get wound up.

Little Miss Anderson bought a DVD of Hoffman which I tried to watch but I totally could not take it in. I find it hard to concentrate on movies for any length of time nevermind an opera. I'm quite concerned about this actually because while I like classical music I really don't like opera music, especially the way it's sung. It does my box in to be honest. However I think designing for opera would be amazing. I'm doing the redesign for Hoffman at the moment and while I actually like the tune to the Barcarolle which had an influence on my design I worry that my inability to get anything from opera is going to affect my worth as a designer and my employability.

This has been quite a negative post but I think it's an honest reflection of my feelings during term 3. This has been a difficult term for me. Where in term 2 I felt an enormous amoubt of gain and satisfaction. Like I was on a journey through the design process that I was really enjoying and up for, in term 3 I'm trying to keep focused on the classes with bridget, the redesign and what is to come in the future as things to motivate me to keep going. The difference for me between the two terms is massive in the way I feel. I don't know if the mood I'm in affects the way i feel about the module or if the module is affecting my mood? I think it's probably the module affecting my modd because there have been times like when we had classes with Bridget that I have felt every bit of as keen and enthusiastic as I did doing the design project. I'm also enjoying the redesign so my aim is just to grin and bear it and get through this term and bring on second year.

Before I finish I need to address the matter of our poisionous little gossip columnist "Gossip Grant", seeing as my private life seems to be his favouritie topic for misconstruing. Honestly he thinks he's Carrie Bradshaw but, while she had unquestionable taste in shoes, some of the things he puts on his trotters say fashion victim more than fashionista. Anyway here's a little tit bit of gossip from the deepest darkest Southside; who's not getting any sex in any city Eastside, Westside, Eastcoast, Westcoast? . . . . . . . there's even whispers that this flamboyant member of the room 6 squad hasn't had any sex in any city. . .. .ever!

Had a class with Bridget today. It was so good to finally get to do some design again. Obviously we have our design projects to work on but having had the class with Bridget I'm much more inspired about designing for Opera. Out of all the classes we've had I think this one has been the best for improving the way I approach a design. I came out of the class full of anticipation for the classes that we have coming up. Now considering the next class is computer based and I'm an infamous technophobe that really is saying something! I was so impressed with the quality of the drawings Bridget had produced I thought she had actually scanned them into the computer. Once again I'm realising how computers are an aid to your work and not a hinderance. On the whole the class has made me determined to raise my game. Working with the second years was really good because I felt there was a good dynamic amongst that group that would make you want to produce the best work you can.

After that I returned to the scenic department. I'm enjoying it more than props mainly for the fact there's plenty of work to be done and I can find a certain amount of satisfaction in completing tasks set to me just for what they are. However I still don't feel I'm cut out for the applied arts and I'd be lying if I said given the choice I wouldn't rather be doing another design project but I still think it's going to be a valuable experience and I'm quite content to work away and be involved in productions.

Talking to the Applied Artists who I'm familiar with I get a real sense that they can find designers frustrating and looking at some of the sources they are given to work from I can see why they become pissed off. If your designing something I guess it can become entirley clear how it should be in your head but the challenge is to make it clear to the AA's also. The only problem that would worry me with being too concise is that it might take all the creativity and challenge out of the job for the Artist.

Anyway I'm in a good mood just now so I think I might have a look at the life goals I set out with Jamie. I feel like a bit of an emotional nut job just now becuase one minute I'm happy and the next I'm raging I think it must be down to the fumes in the Scenic department. The cocktail of substances on the go can be over-whelming; shellac, turps, meths; all very addictive!

Went into uni this morning and did a bit of research online but to be honest I don't find the IT suite a good place for getting work done so I decided to work from home in the afternoon which was more productive. I had a look at the libretto. It's a bit of a nuisance having to work from the computer but my printer is out of ink at the moment. I had to take the libretto onto Google Translate to read it in English. It's a good tool to use but some of the meaning seems to be lost in the translation which can make some of the descriptions of sets etc somewhat confusing. However I'm starting to get some idea of the story and some design idea's. The scale of an opera is quite daunting but I need to remember it's only a part of it that I'm required to redesign. At the moment I'm getting tied up with a theme for the whole production and how each scene could look. I don't think that's a bad thing as such but I need to remeber to keep my focus and not get too drawn into the whole thing at the expense of what I'm required to do. I also have to remember to keep on top of the essay aspect of the module. It's easy to get distracted by the design parts but I've got to make sure I put in as much effort in both area's.

I've been listening to the music from the opera on youtube and I was surprised to find I recognised some of the pieces. It was a bit of a shock to my inner philistine. The only problem with Youtube is that you see other productions which I don't really want to do. I want to keep my mind free from other influences at the moment until I've got my own understanding of what the opera is about.

Anyway that's me for today. I've got an idea of some things I want to enquire about tomorrow and what I want to be doing.

Well that's the first two weeks of Term 3 finished. It's the first time I've posted in ages. I think it was a case of that I was finding Props a bit slow and was struggling a bit to have anything to say. However it did improve a bit by the end and I got into it a bit more when doing the plates. It's a shame though because due to circumstances I don't think we really got an idea of what working in props would really be like. One thing I did learn when watching the AA's working is the importance of giving clear information on things you have designed to be made. I can understand why AA's can get stressed out and pissed off about things design related.

It's early days in the different departments so I'll need to wait and see how I get on but I have a feeling I'm not very suited to Applied Arts. So far I haven't found it as fulfilling as doing design but again that could be down to not having much to do in props other than paint plates and put latex on cord.

We had life drawing again on Friday there. It's weird I love to draw and find drawing theraputic but life drawing and still life I find so difficult to get into. It get's me stressed for some reason. The funny thing was that when we had our break I was so wound up from the life drawing that I went up to room six and sat and worked on a picture I had been drawing and that really chilled me out. We did get to work with inks which was quite cool though. I think I might bring in paints and start doing life paintings instead of using pencil and pastel because I actually don't find that as draining. I also tried to channel my agitation into my work but it just looked like shit to be honest. I know I used to be able to do life drawings better but this year I can't seem to get anywhere. Not been good at things is something I don't particulary like but I have to get over that and just get on with it.

On a postive note we're getting to work on design projects next week which I'm really looking forward to so hopefully things can only get better.